My Plate Is Full

Like most mothers I had visions of how life would be after including my new child to the bunch. I knew there would be challenges, adding a child to any household is going to pose challenges, but I wasn't quite ready for what I got. I hold a Supermama syndrome in which I believe if it is handed to me I'll deal with it. Not always with grace, not without a struggle but I'll cope and go on. In most instances I can look back and say "hey it wasn't that bad I worried over nothing". I'm hoping I get to that point considering my life now and soon.

I was so happy to be out the hospital and back with my family. The children were falling back into the routine of life not having the upset of their mother gone. Mr. Man was already going to work those four days not in the office things were going back to the typical Saudi style of things which is a no go for Mr. Man. Mama was home and everything was placed in my hands to take care of once again. No problems I would do as I always did and go on in Supermama mode.

Until Wednesday the morning after I arrived home when Sarti came to my room and asked "Madam who is going to Bahrain to get the children?" Since Mariam was home and a meal needed to be cooked the choice was obvious, she was. "You are" I answered. It is than she started once again to turn on the tears "Since you were in the hospital Madam I've had problems" she told me not thinking I wouldn't be informed about the chaos she was causing once again. This is not what I needed at this point and I told her "The only problem here is you, talk to Mr. Man not me" and I left it at that.

Sarti started in on our nanny soon after her arrival, in fact the very same day she arrived. I've should have know the woman who insists she "wants no problems" while telling on someone else in the house would be up to no good. She argued with the nanny (Abla) every time she could. In fact one time I had to return to the house to take Sarti with me shopping because as soon as I left she started in on Abla. Screaming at her telling her "this is my house", all this time I was under the impression it was my house. She would try to get Abla in trouble for not doing work that Sarti thought she should do. I had to sit Sarti down and tell her "This is MY house I rule it, not you, not Abla, not even Mr. Man. I will determine who does what work in this house, not you!"

I had thought this was under control, although I knew Sarti held jealous feelings towards Abla. But than she started a new game by complaining to Mr. Mans mother who was told before by me "Do not get involved in issues with anyone we employ in this house". Ignoring my warning she fed into the drama of Sarta who complained about being over worked and Abla doing nothing in which my MIL decided she was going to be mean to Abla. Now Abla is a push over, too much so, and didn't tell us anything about what was going on. Mr. Man found out, told his mother to mind her business and told Sarti off while I was in the hospital. This is a drama I knew would have to be solved but not quite like it worked out.

On Wednesday at about 11 am I called Sarti who decided her work day was to sit up in her room. This is the day after I arrived from the hospital mind you. I asked "aren't you working today" she started crying again and told me "I'm tired I have too many problems". If I was not in the condition I was I would have flipped. I told her to pack her stuff she is leaving. The deal was we were going to send her to another family and we would take their maid, which considering our little work load would work out better for their maid as they are a typical Saudi family with three generations under one roof. But one glitch, they left Sarti alone with their maid for far too long which meant a whole other drama.

Sarti told the other maid that I was mean, I overworked her, I yelled at her all the time, there is a Moroccan who didn't work, and basically we were just horrid people. I was infuriated because not only did I pay her extra every month, she worked a total of five hours a day, if that at times but she claims she was over worked. Abla put more hours of work in each day with this children although her duties were different it was more work than Sarti. After telling her to do something four to five times and being told to "wait" (yes she did) one to many times I had raised my voice with her. But consider telling your boss "wait" and ignoring his/her directives 4-5 times and see if you don't get a verbal lashing. She had so much free time she completed one of Jihad's word search books that was in English and she doesn't even know the language. We took her to an Indonesian shop so she could have food from home, I bought her too many clothes, and she was always in bed before me but yet we were horrid.

I wanted nothing more but to go tell that woman off even more so after Abla told us Sarti had borrowed an entire months salary from her and she sent it home without us even knowing. She is in the hole to the nanny that she was so mean to. And she kept denying she had a phone, would show us one with no power come to find out (after searching her bags) she had two batteries one charged one dead. She had phone numbers from various parts of the kingdom which wouldn't mean much if it wasn't part of the game. She planned to leave, had numbers to people who dealt with illegal maids because there is more money in it. By the end of the month if I hadn't send her to another house she would have fled from here, we would have been with the police for hours and it would have taken months to close the case. And she wouldn't be out any pay as she borrowed money from the nanny she so hated.

At this point we found a family that will take her and pay 6,5000 SR to us which is the bulk of what we had paid in fees, iqamas and airline tickets. They will take her and we won't have a maid. More work for me, I'm left doing laundry, going grocery shopping, cooking meals, straightening up, doing homework, taking care of Umar, and at some point remembering to take care of myself. When I started to loose 3 lbs a day I knew it was time to just get myself together and try my best to get more organized. Venturing out with two children with me is an ordeal and at times it leads to Postpartum Aggression (PPA).

PPA is when women like me fresh out of the hospital going to Toys R Us to get a baby swing in order to cook the family meal the next day have a verbal screaming match with the store manager. Yes I did. There I was with three children (Umar, Mariam, and Leyna) having a full fledged screaming match with a very rude and down right nasty Toys R Us manager four days after getting out of the hospital. A screaming match over a 28 SR discount which I normally would just have let go if it weren't for the rude behavior by the manager. I stood there screaming in Toys R Us refusing to move one inch to let them check out anyone demanding my discount which he said I would "NEVER" (said with complete contempt) receive. What type of person does this to a woman with three children who is in the store at least 3 times a month. In fact I was just in there the week before purchasing a car seat and stroller for 1800 SR and the manager wants to deny me a 28SR discount.

Just as I told him at the height of my PPA "You will loose and I will get my discount" I sure did. I admit to feeling a bit insane latter but at the same time I felt like I won. Won what exactly? Don't ever ask a crazy person to explain it can't be done in rational terms. I got my discount and arrived home only to find out the stock guy brought me the wrong product. Not wanting to do that again I sent the driver back to get the right one after I called "I'm the woman you just fought with over the discount" and told them to send the right product.

Going grocery shopping the next day pushing two carts wasn't making things much better. Why is it that people think I'm suppose to move out of the way. One Saudi lady even got annoyed I told her "Go around I'm not moving". I just couldn't see myself being that inconsiderate to a woman who is clearly having a hard enough time getting around the isles with two carts. The only ones who moved out of my way were Saudi men, who probably identified me as having PPA just by the look on my face. No wonder they don't mind their women sitting at their parents house for 40 days doing nothing it might help prevent PPA.

If my plate wasn't full enough I called for Umars test results which would tell if he has Down Syndrome or not.

"Yes I'm calling for my sons test results" we had been harassing the Dr. for days now just to get the results over with and be done with it.
"Yes about your sons results for the chromosome test ::: mumble mumble::::" he says and whatever it was didn't make much sense to me so I asked
"What does that mean?"
"Your son has Down Syndrome"

Everything went sort of quite as tears flooded my vision. What did he just say? Is there a mistake? I said the only thing I could mutter "Ok" And the Dr responded "Ok Good Bye"

Realizing perhaps the stupidity of what he just did, the way in which he handled news that would surely change my families life, he called back. He told me which Dr. to see which we did and all of the signs which are there started to show. At first he explained the results and I sat staring at a marker on a test that indicated an extra chromosome on chromosome 21. Three small marks in a column that changes so much in the life of a child and his/her family. This can't be photoshoped, I can't go in with my eraser and take it off the screen, it will remain.

What does that mean? We don't know the Dr. doesn't know beyond some now obvious physical features although not too prominent. What lies in the future of my little man? Won't know it is something you figure out as you go along, I guess, see the problem is I don't know. I don't have answers and no one can give me any here. "What type of resources are available here" I asked this Dr. a specialist for such children in the hospital. He turns confused "resources?" he asks quietly.

We did get some good news considering Umar's condition, he has no heart problems, hearing problems or thyroid problems which is common with Down Syndrome babies. He also put on weight, although the bf isn't going too good, between him being a lazier eater and me not taking great care of myself. His Jaundice appears to be just about gone and up until last night he was the best sleeper in the house.

Supermama will put her cape on and do what she knows how to do, tend to her family and learn all she can on Down Syndrome. I'm already mentally planning how things might be, if necessary we will move to where we can find the best resources for my little man. But that is all down the road right now my only job is to tend to him like any other new born and love him as much as I possibly can. If nothing else he'll be surrounded with love, from his parents and his siblings who are so happy he is here. Mariam is not jealous, in fact she is a big helper with his bath every night and the others have bragged to all their friends and teachers that they have the best baby brother around and I couldn't agree more.