Visitors Put It Into Perspective

A couple came and visited us the other weekend not a couple we are close to. Mr. Man worked with the husband during his years here and the wife I just met recently. Even though both of us at one point lived on the same compound we never really had an urge to meet one another. Between me, the anti social one, and she the career woman (she is an OB/GYN) time just never allowed for us to sit and chat.

She stopped by once before and called me on the phone a few times, asking about my pregnancy. She offered her services if I required any help since she is an OB which was nice I thought. We won't be having lunch, or meeting up for afternoon tea but a social call of 'how are you' every now and then is something that could have been.

She sat and held Umar looking at him trying to figure out who he takes after. I've been told he looks like everyone in the family at some point or another and it is something I find amusing. I've never been able to tell who my babies look like let alone take a guess with someone else's baby. Mr. Man sat and asked her "Did you notice anything" as she sat gazing at him trying to figure out "the nose". Quietly she nodded her head that yes she did notice.

I laughed at Mr. Man stating "You don't notice anything but you think others would?" He still has no idea what the physical traits of Down Syndrome is even though I've sat down and pointed it all out to him. "I still don't see it" he tells me but this isn't something I find unusual, we are talking about Mr. Man here. And no this isn't a sign of some denial on his part it is just who Mr. Man is in general.

The woman sat and asked me "Didn't they do any testing?" and I explained briefly the whole ordeal I went through which I've already blogged about here. "I wasn't really interested in further testing" I said as she talked over that stating how in her hospital they test early with proper tests so you can know "And choose abortion if you want"

Perhaps I'm on guard looking for that first off the hand remark which I''m sure is to come by someone at some point. I must say that the people I have told and spoke to so far have been great. The Veiled Chef was the first to know and she was here holding him the next day being the friend she is. We didn't focus our talk on Down Syndrome and when we did chat about it she was very stern with me "Don't limit his abilities" she told me more than once. Those words I'll keep with me for a long time.

But as I sat holding my little man, my precious new addition to my family. The one which she came to my house, bringing gifts, to congratulate me me about. I was shocked that someone would sit and bring up that I could have aborted if I had known earlier. Not only did she say this once but three times the last of which I cut her off. Maybe it was the Dr. in her and she didn't mean it the way it came off, but it bothered me.

I've read on the Internet various sites that list things you shouldn't say to a friend that found out their child has Downs Syndrome. I think a comment like that should be added to them perhaps sitting at the top of the list. Sure a Dr. might asked if you had prenatal testing, but I don't think pointing out that abortion was an option after you've had the baby and are obviously happy with your new bundle of joy.

You really never know what is going to come your way which was made so obvious to me as another woman came to visit me this past weekend. Her husband is a child hood friend of Mr. Man and they are a nice couple who have visited us often. She has five children in total the last almost came at a cost of her life. She delivered very early and had major complications, which was not abnormal for her, some of the problems she had with her baby before that.

As she brought her growing family in her new seven month old son was screaming in her arms. At first I wasn't sure the child was hers, he was very dark and usually her children are very white. After the confusion passed me I noticed that something was wrong with her son. He had no muscle tone in his neck and couldn't hold his head up, he stared blankly when he wasn't screaming like he was being tormented. His legs were extended with such stiffness it almost looked as if he was having a seizure and his toes were pushed in together as if an invisible hand was squeezing them.

I didn't say anything to her and I just chatted in general of how things were going with her. At one point Mr. Man's mother sat down and she (the visitor) started to cry. Her new son was having major problems, she was at her wits end and worst of all she had no idea what was really wrong with him. No Drs were giving her any concrete answers. It was clear she was struggling, with her four children ranging from age nine to 2 yrs or so and a 7 month old who was not developing like other children. She sat looking at Umar with tears in her eyes, no idea that Umar has Down Syndrome possibly thinking in him lies what she thought she was going to have with her own son.

Her son finally fell into a sleep, although far from being peaceful as it just sounded as if he was struggling to breath. She sat with him in her arms gazing at him with the love of a mother and simply said "alhamdulillah" (All praise due to God). She told me she was preparing to travel to her home country to see Drs there, looking for answers and any help she could get. Her visit was short and I will continue to pray for her as her struggles pained my heart and if nothing more she should have answers and support.

I cuddled Umar a little bit 'more after she left and gave him an extra smooch or two. The struggles of others tends to makes you feel more grateful for what you have. Even if what I have isn't perfect in the eyes of others it sure feels perfect to me.