Realities Of A Woman's Life

I've written about my sister in law before, she is only a few years older than me and a widow with three children. She has been struggling the past few years since her husbands death but lately things have been looking up. She found a job and seems to be doing really well and is happy again. She and her children will be coming in a couple of weeks to spend the rest of Ramadhan and Eid with us. Well partly with us as we are in two countries at one time.

She has an older daughter about 15 years of age who was adamant she wanted to come with us. I saw her during the wedding and she said she wanted to come over during her four month long school break. I said it would be a great idea and told Mr. Man she has to get a passport and permission to go in and out with us to Bahrain. She has been pushing for months and has heard from her uncles (on her father's side) it is too much of a problem to do it now maybe next year. She knew exactly what words to use to get things moving the way she wanted and stated "If my father were still alive you would not treat me this way." She was down at the passport office the next day.

Her passport was relatively easy to get as where her two brothers but the odd thing of it all her younger brother who is 12 is her guardian. Not her mother who is very much alive and taking care of her, but her younger brother. He is also the guardian of the youngest brother in the bunch and is now labeled as a "man" who will hold the decisions of their traveling although he can't really make decisions himself.

I've previously spoken on the absurdity of Saudi when it comes to defining adulthood and childhood. In one instance, such as this, a 12 year old boy is a guardian of his sister and younger brother but he can't rightfully make decisions on his own. He can't travel himself without having permission of his own guardian (uncle) until he is 21. He can't get a job, he can't even make his own medical decisions yet, but he is listed as the guardian of other under age children. Make sense? Well only if you live in Saudi.

My sister in law is having the hardest time getting her passport and it looks like she might not get it at all. She spent the past two days in a court telling a judge both her mother and father are dead. She now has to get papers to prove it and than the question is who is her legal guardian. Mr. Man told her to put her 12 year old son as her guardian but she refused. This possibly would have made things easier, or not, for what mother really wants their child as their guardian? And how messed up a system is it that would look to a woman's child to be her legal guardian as if there is some major role reversal.

I am a very vocal opponent to the guardian system when it comes to full grown women. Unless that young woman is a minor as fully defined by the country which would be the same for men. I can see putting the limit to the age of 21 if that is the countries decision for all issues related to minors vs adulthood. But to in some instances define one as an adult capable of decisions at 21 yet allow them to marry and become guardians of others at the age of 12 is total nonsense. And I strongly believe that all woman should be seen as a full capable decision making adults.

One can argue with me all day that it is Islam that has imposed a guardianship upon women. I will in fact disagree based upon Islam itself that there has never been an intended definition of guardianship for women as we have now. Women should be seen as full grown capable adults able to make decisions for themselves per Islams view. Rather than constant minors incapable of making life's decisions without the ok and control of men.

To try to convince me that women need a guardians approval to travel when she is 35 years old is like trying to cool the flames of hell with an ice cube. Simply not going to happen. If Aisha ra the widow of Muhammad pbuh could make a decision to go forth and travel with the intent of battle and not be condemned for doing so, than I say a woman can decide if she wants to travel to Bahrain to go see her relatives.

There are many issues when it comes to the legal guardianship of full grown women. I for one not only find it to be a source of control and rule that man have over women. But also to be one that is contradictory over the liberating teachings of Islam when it comes to the matters of women. To state in one sentence that Islam liberated women 1400 years ago than take on a position that she is forever a minor with no say over her life is a full blown contradiction that can never be resolved. Yes I'm sure many men like it this way, to suggest anything else is a violation of their comfort. However when a widowed mother of three can not obtain a passport in order to travel with her children across the border to see her brother and his family without looking toward her 12 year old as her own legal guardian I would suggest that the coma ridden individuals who think this is a good idea finally awaken from their slumber.

It is seriously past time these outdated and incorrect ideas are changed in Saudi.