My Advice On Dating In Saudi Arabia

After reading American Bedu's post of how to date in Saudi Arabia and get away with it, which seemed to be aimed at females, there are a few things I'm compelled to say. And since I tend to get wordy on her comment section I thought this time it would be best for me to respond within my own space.

First let me say that if I found anyone advising any of my children (boys or girls) on how to date and get away with it I would be steaming. There would be more than a few choice words I would have for that individual especially if they knew not only the customs in Saudi but the rightful practices of a Muslim as well. While in this culture I think it would be wise to not to suggest certain things even if we know it is happening.

I know there are some families that don't mind dating, they turn the other way when their girls go off to meet guys and some even provide a place for their teens to meet up in their homes especially behind the walls of compounds. We have such families on the compound where we live, we see their girls surrounded by guys walking the compound grounds late into the night. We all know what they do in the dark shadows of the children's playground and behind a vacant villa at night.

Sadly one doesn't have to go on a compound to see what some boys and girls are up to. Rashid Mall is filled with giggly girls, wearing a bottle of perfume strutting their stuff in order to attract the attentions of an overly hormonal guy. They take the bait chasing after them making a display of their immaturity all in the hopes of at one point getting one of the girls alone. Some succeed at this and others don't, the ones that do usually share their conquests by way of mobile videos.

There are some girls who are wooed by the ways of a man not untypical to others around the world. Pledging his undying love, wanting only to be with her secretly sending her flowers, presents, or other things during the chase all the while building a trust where he will try to meet her alone. Some give in others smartly stand firm in the religious and cultural disapproval of such an action.

For some there is desperation to meet a man thinking they may be added to the growing list of spinster women in this country. Their limiting choice in choosing a husband, be it Saudi laws that deny them the right to marry a foreigner or their family pressure to marry someone within their own tribe or certain acceptable tribes. Adding in a more romanticized idea of love, thanks to the bookshelves full of romance novels and love stories displayed in movies and tv and a girl may make a choice she ordinarily may not consider.

My advice to you girls, be smart don't do it. I don't have to tell these girls that it is haram, that religiously they are committing a sin and putting themselves into a situation where they may commit further sins. I don't have to tell these girls this because they know it and have been taught it within school and by their families for many years.

What I will tell these girls is that you will be the ones to either get caught, be abused by your pursuer, give yourself to a boy who will latter reject you for a virgin, or feel so utterly bad about yourself that you'll be one of the sad ER cases of a young girl trying to kill herself by drinking bleach or taking pills. These are the true realities even if you don't think it will happen to you it will. Do not allow your current desperation, flirty silliness, or lack of self esteem to lead you down a path that you'll regret on both a religious and cultural level.

Even if a girl is not caught by the authorities in Saudi and punished by law with lashes most times she will be caught by her family members. Sadly boys tend to get off much easier when they are caught, while families are upset you'll rarely hear of them disappearing, being beaten, held captives within their homes and at times severely tortured by their own family members. As a suspect a boy won't be dragged into a Drs office and be forced to be examined to see if the hymen is still intact. A boy will not have to run for cover and find refuge in a shelter out of fear of being physically harmed by his family. A boy will eventually earn their mothers forgiveness and their fathers will eventually stand by their sides as they marry. A girl however will be forever shamed in the minds and hearts of her parents and rarely be fully forgiven even if she has repented to Allah.

When girls are rejected after having given themselves up to who they think are their loves they are emotionally affected much differently than the boys. Boys majority of the time easily move on and are fully supported by their families as they marry another girl. The girls however are left with an emotional challenge that they have no real support of getting through. Any attempt of opening up and seeking support and advice from anyone runs the risk of her secret being exposed and she suffering further hardships. Any attempts she has at seeking forgiveness for her sin and choosing to move on in an religious fashion will be harder to achieve. Much of these girls fall into a deep depression unable to forgive themselves for their choices and the loss of what they thought was love. Many of these girls try to commit suicide or at times seek lower into other self destructive behavior.

There are the possibilities of a girl becoming pregnant after falling into the temptations of being alone. Such girls are left alone no boy stands with them turning up at their homes in some righteous gesture seeking to quickly marry them in order to do the right thing. Most boys will run with their tail between their legs denying any responsibility. A young girl may secretly give birth and abandon the newborn in a dumpster or at a door step of another family. Or she will do anything she can to abort the little one in her womb in some of the most physically harmful ways possible. Very few will find any help with their families although a few parents have been known to call on a person to perform an illegal abortion.

And then there are the growing number of girls who ever so innocently fall into the trap of the sickness of some boys. Not wanting to meet him alone but opening herself up to a vulnerable position by talking to him on the phone, sending him SMS, or even emails that contain pictures of herself in the most innocent of poses. A simple head shot of her uncovered with her long locks exposed smiling with a hint of seduction in her eyes can be used against her. She can quickly find herself in between a rock and a brick wall. On the one side is the one she exposed only the smallest part of herself to who is threatening to present her pictures in the ugliest form possible to her family if she does not meet with him and do as he says. On the other is her very religious family who would find even this small infraction the biggest of all offenses against their family honor and may suffer in several ways for it. Many make the choice of not being exposed to their families and are raped by boys they opened their worlds up to.

My advice to these girls even knowing that dating is going on in this country is not to do it. I won't tell them how to get away with it because in reality they never will get away with it. Not only do these girls suffer from cultural thinking that she alone will have to take all the punishments of her choices after all advice on how to protect herself from a guy on a date failed to understand the larger impacts of such actions upon her life. But she will have to stand alone before Allah and be judged. I would suggest that girls thinking of meeting a guy alone or even opening up to one over the phone or by Email make a better choice for themselves for in the end not matter what happens you will stand alone with your choice one way or another and you alone will have to deal with all that comes your way due to that choice.