Get a Map!

Once again we are in the process of making plane reservations with our booking agent. I can not bring myself to refer to him as a travel agent anymore. The ridiculous things that this guy does makes me want to find his office and slap him a few times with a wet rotten fish. If it were not for Mr. Man I would have stopped using his booking (in)abilities long ago.

You would think after 8 years and hundreds of bookings by Mr. Man and his office he would have the ability to keep the proper spelling of our names. He just types in whatever he is capable of, which isn't much I've seen his other spelling errors (I should be a professional writer compared to his dribble) but our names should be on a database with proper spellings. Considering during our last trip I let him book and confirm all of our tickets and than pointed out the spelling errors. Oh he was livid but after 8 years I could give a hoot man, some lessons are learned the hard way. He called Mr. Man and complained about me and not telling him about the spelling before he issued the tickets but he didn't get any compassion for this is the same man he left stranded in Morocco with no confirmed flights when he was a business trip with clients.

But no I looked at his last emails and he hasn't learned. My name he includes with no last name at all, yea good luck with me getting into the US with no last name. Jihad is Jehad, Hannah is Hana, Leyna is Lina, Umar is Omar and Mariam is the only one he got right. He had my father's name so messed up when we had him book his flights it wasn't even close.

Another annoying thing is anytime he sends out an email about deals, the last one was cheap flights (under 1000 USD to St. Louis) it never is what he claims. When you book flights suddenly your working on double the cost and you ask "What about the deal" he than says "ohh yea about that". Suddenly it is a certain day, in a certain class, in a certain isle, with certain connections and blah blah blah. And his target client list includes a long list of Westerners. He should include a note "Never as advertised I just send these emails so I can get you all set up for a trip you'll never book with me".

Now Mr. Man is taking full control because not only am I sick of dealing with him (the emails I send to him are always an enjoyment for Mr. Man to read) but he was going to be totally confused from the start. Since we are driving to St. Louis and not flying from our visit in New Jersey we have to leave from a different point where we landed. And that is too much for him to understand with me. So Mr. Man says "Don't worry I'll take care of it." And I'm watching the emails go back and forth.

First email he had us flying into Detroit and than back tracking to Philly with a 2 hour stop in Amsterdam. 2 hours isn't long enough for me to gather up my five kids and get off the plane and out of the nearest bathroom in one piece. But the worst of it would been the 1 1/2 hour stop in Detroit before I moved on to Philly. Oh I can just see that now considering I have to go through customs, get my bags, than recheck them!! And that was at a price of nearly 7000 SR for an adult ticket and 5800 SR for a child.

Next up a flight to London with a 5 1/2 hour stop and than straight on into Philly. With a whopping ticket of 8950 SR for an adult and 1290 SR per child. {{{cough}}} Not to mention a nice 1 hour 20 minute stop on the way back through London which would include me leaving something of importance on the plane as I make a mad dash trying to get back to Bahrain. My luck it would be a kid I left behind. And I've already found out security isn't friendly when you leave something behind in their airport. My goodness I had an interrogation over a toy car Jihad left at a security check imagined if I left a kid!


3rd try is a charm right? Dude has us flying into Orlando and than into Philly with an hour stop in London on the return flight. So I have to totally fly out of my way to Orlando with a close to 3 hour wait to fly back to Philly. Again I have to go through customs, get my luggage and than recheck them. Make sense when I'm alone with five kids?? Someone buy this guy a flippen MAP! Hello, hasn't he heard of Google maps? Maybe I should send him a link

Philly up here
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Orlando down here


My sanity level? HA long depleted people I would be a walking mush brain and at customs when they ask "Whats your name" I wouldn't be able to utter one syllable.

But one thing I'll mention for the 3rd try is that the price is now down to 5943 SR per adult and 4839 SR per child. But I'd pay the highest price not to make two stops and retain some sense of mental capacity where I'm able to function enough to a. not forget a child on board b. not forget a child in the bathroom (or my passports) c. speak in a sentence and appear coherent.

Now do you see why I want to slap him with a wet rotten fish?

What Does A Life Cost?

200,000 SR or 53,333 USD well at least one Saudi guy hopes so after killing Suryapi Dulbari, a maid from Indonesia. I would hope that her family has enough conviction to not be swayed by money for her life from a man who beat her with sticks. My sense of justice would love to see a Saudi stand up and offer double to the family so they may not be swayed by their life of poverty to even consider letting the murderer walk free after torturing their loved one to death.

I am very happy to read that a husband was held responsible for his lack of action to protect a maid in his home that his wife tortured. It is extremely easy to have a maid leave your house, in fact it is much more easier than having one come to your house. You have her pack her bags and you have three options. Bring her to a family members home that may want to have her there to work and that will 1. pay her 2. take care of her 3. allow her to earn a living with dignity or call a friend to do the same. The third option is to return her to the agency in which you paid to find you a maid and they can find her another place or return her home depending on what she wants. What you don't have to choose is to leave her in your home to be continually beaten by a family member.

I am shocked that the wife's lawyer seems to believe that the wife will only get 2 years in prison for taking a life. I do hope that Saudi officials stand up and say enough is enough she will be our shining example of justice in cases where employers abuse, murder, and maim their household staff and sentence her to death. While Saudi has made this statement recently in other cases, it hasn't with a woman and I do believe it needs to be done. Because, no matter what our hearts want to believe, that women are the soft ones, the protectors, the reality is they can abuse and kill to.

All life has a higher value after all and Saudi, as a country and as individuals, need to stand up and act upon that basic Islamic teaching.

Drivers In Bahrain

I think this should be fair warning for drivers in Bahrain who share my road space. Quite frankly I'm sick of dealing with all you arrogant, ignorant, and stupid drivers out there. This is not to say everyone is like that but far to many of you are and there will be a morning I take a bat with me and pound someone over the head, or at the very least smash out a window (always wanted to do that looks like fun). I'm sure some of you may be wondering why I am expressing such a violent tendency well here are a few reasons and drivers please read more carefully than you actually flippen drive!

1. When it is the morning rush to take your kids to school before your off to your days of work and you have to exit the highway just like everyone else in the LONG line that you speed past. Do not for one second think your going to squeeze in front of me, bully your way in, or cut me off. Even if you are in a big new shiny black SUV and think you can over take my older smaller and a bit worn Hyundai Trajet. I will stand my ground, or my lane in this case, I will not back down all the while honking my slowly dying horn at you like an insane woman, flip you off, and frustrate you as you get stuck! And yes my kids are yelling "IDIOT" at you as we pass you by. I honestly don't care if it you think your just 'one car' trying to get in. But when it is dozens of cars with idiot drivers that pay no attention to the folk patiently waiting in line to exit it makes a huge difference to people like me.

And yes if the driver behind me wises up you'll have to wait even longer because it is just rude. One more thing, if you arrogant drivers would wait your turn the whole ordeal would be over quicker because drivers like me wouldn't have to fight idiots like you to exit the highway.

2. For the drivers that don't pay attention or honestly think the entire world revolves around them here is a clue. When cars are entering the highway and your in the right lane taking full notice to their blinkers letting you know they need to get in, MOVE. I know it is a difficult concept and all, but seriously move. And by this I don't mean speed up so the ones entering the highway get stuck, because that is just an evil thing to do. Think "what I'm about to do will catch up with me one day" and do the right thing by moving to the left lane when it is completely EMPTY. If you're that blind that you can not see that there is no one in the lane to your left than you shouldn't be driving anyway.

3. To all of those small van drivers advertising their services of transportation for school children or working women YOU SUCK! I haven't seen one van that has a driver that has one lick of common sense. You all, the entire lot of you, and I'll say it Bahraini men, need to be taken into the desert and whipped for your driving. You have to be the most unsafe drivers on the road in Bahrain. You speed, you tail gate, you drive on the side of the road, even if it is dirt, you cut people off, and you think being a bully driver is the way to run your business.

You're like a driving hemorrhoid up every ones arse trying to force them off the road to what? Oh that is right to get in an accident and kill all of your passengers perhaps. Way to go!! You should name your business "HELL ride" and at least be honest. And no I'm not getting out of my lane because you come speeding up my rear because I know it frustrates you.

4. Ladies I hate to be the one to tell you but your not all that beautiful no matter how much make up you put on and drive at the same time. I Know you think you can multi task and all for most women can, but not to the point where your applying eye make up, talking on your cell phone, and driving all at the same time. Really you simply need to get over your insecurities whic make you feel that you require that much makeup and have to do it in the car. It just isn't attractive.

5. For you big rig drivers I don't know what they do in the land you come from but feel free to go back to the country in which your bumper sticker indicates you love so much. I don't know why GCC countries bring men from other countries that are used to riding bicycles through town and give them a big rig and on top of it tell them to take their rigs with a full load through town around circles (round abouts for you Brits). There is such a thing as my lane and your lane, first of all, not your lane and your lane. Stay in your lane, do not violate my lane with your presence. And yes if you haven't been told by anyone else this happened to, if you turn to sharp around the circles your truck and its load will flip. Not only are you an idiot for causing such an accident, your employer will dock you, and you'll cause a major slow down of morning traffic.

6. Drivers I state a simple fact of reality here.. the right lane is not the left lane. So you can't make a left turn from the right lane. I know difficult to grasp for far too many but when your confused just look at your hands that should be on the wheel and ask yourself. Is my right hand connected to my left wrist? If the answer is no than do not attempt to make that turn.

7. Student drivers and those who go like 40 kmph on the highway for the sake of my sanity stop it! Honestly I have a plan and your not going to like it This summer while I'm in the states I'm going to one of those large automotive stores that have cool car gadgets and I'm picking up a specialty horn. One that will be guaranteed to confuse (or scare) the crap out of you guarantee ing you will fail your driving test!

8. Saudi drivers when you pass over the causeway understand that when you enter into Bahrain it is no longer Saudi. I know I get it, the entire world is Saudi in your brain, but seriously it isn't. So leave your idiotic driving skills on the other side of the bridge. And if you have a car that is made for 7 people understand that 15 aren't going to fit in there. Seriously, even if you squeeze some small members of your family in the trunk your simply a statistic waiting to happen. And please don't tell me "whatever Allah wills" because as a Muslim I don't believe your under force to make such a stupid decision.

9. Universal rule, if you are really old and your reflexes slow and you have the additional problem of shrinking in height I don't think you should drive. And it is usually men on this side of the world that can barely see over the steering wheel to the point my children argue if there is anyone actually driving than laugh when they see it is an old guy leaning completely forward on to the steering wheel. Even with a brand new car they are so slow I have to debate if the car is actually moving and for whatever reason they are always in the middle lane. Suggestion: REVOKE license

10. The absolute worse offenders when it comes to speeding has got to be military personal and police. I know your egos have lead you to believe you are of more importance to this country than what you actually are. But at the very least your job should demand you set an example. It is just horrible the way you choose to drive and you should have shame.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.. driving is over rated.

I'm A White American Girl

This isn't just a FYI statement or an 'in case you didn't know' it is a fact of my life that although doesn't make a difference in my day to day activities, I am no less reminded of on numerous occasions. And while I'm not really into defining what is 'white' I do believe that being 'white' impacts who you are, how you interact with the world, and how the world interacts with you. Notice that I did add in the cultural tag of "American" for my Americaness is far different in cultural influences than say my white British neighbor. However, even though our cultures are a bit different, she feeds her children sausages and crisps and I feed mine french fries and chicken nuggets, our whiteness brings about a certain privilege in the same foreign land we choose to live. And even with that it is my Muslim status that will separate us as well.

It is sort of odd when I look upon my white privilege card (we all have one in case you were wondering) which has been revoked in the US but replaced with another with a higher status in Saudi (and I'll note Bahrain as well). My white privilege is put into question in the US because I am a convert to Islam, but than because I am a convert it is more meaningful in the ME especially since I am white. It is a strange thing to ponder upon especially if you're anything like me in rejecting the notion of 'privileged' to any one particular race/ethnicity/tribe/culture of people. I would love nothing more than to rid my whole life of such notions yet I'm not only constantly faced with them but have found it beneficial to even use them if need be.

I should first point out that I, like many white people in America, never really consider my white status and the privilege which was extended to me because of it. It isn't something I had to give much thought to in my life because it didn't negatively affect me so why think about it? It wasn't that I was unaware that things are/were/will be different for those of color or of 'different' status than the too often accepted white norm. In fact I'd say I was more aware of them because my father was/is a racist, although he isn't 'as bad' as he used to be in that regard (that matters more or less depending what mean I'm using to measure 'bad' ). However as much as I would love to deny, it never had a direct negative impact on my life. Which is why when a black person tells their white friend "you'll never get it" I understand that yes they never will get it. Until they in some way, even by relation, become the 'other', but even then it is not fully understood.

Even considering that a white person may be extension become 'the other' it is only in relation to another person that is in their presence, it is subject to change when that person is no longer there. For example a white person married to a person of color or one that fits into the 'other' category (and that can be big category depending on circumstances) they may slightly understand the differences of how others relate to you when that spouse is present. When that spouse is no longer present and it just that one white individual than you once again become part of the larger privileged group who may be simply ignorant that your a temporary member.

After becoming a Muslim and a covering one at that things started to change drastically. I tended to become in a category all my own that is forever a lonely place to be in. Because even if I don't want to be here I'll be placed here by others and reminded every time that I am different even if it is in the slightest way. In America or while I'm in the company of full card carrying white privileged members it is more often than not with negative overtures, although not always outright. In order to fully understand this let me try to explain it with examples (we all love stories).

In America after I converted and covered I suddenly became obvious which I never was before. Even though I think I "Rock!" the whole room wouldn't stop in their tracts and just watch me enter, watch me walk by, watch me sit, watch my reactions, matter of fact they didn't watch me at all beyond the normal interaction. I was just another person, one of the larger group, that walked into a store for instance. As a covering Muslim walking into the same store I am watched, stared at, conversations stop, some even whisper, the looks oh the looks, I was the 'other' the one that stuck out. And while one could argue this should have been expected as I am obviously different and even such things can be tolerated, perhaps they can, it is the larger negative reactions that can't be tolerated.

There was what I would call "hijab-lash" which was when drivers in their cars did a double take so quick and fast I thought they were going to hurt their neck. There was laughing and pointing from the most ignorant of spectators but the worst drive by was when a bunch of teens in a car decided to make a sign with insults and hold it up to their window and laugh as they drove by. I remember that like it was yesterday and even Mr. Man who I was newly married to didn't quite get the insult of it all. "What was that?" he asked, although being a black Arab in America he didn't get what was going on.

However, we both understood three guys threatening us during a street fair in Rolla MO right after we were married. I don't know if it was their drinks going to their head but they thought my introduction to MO should include what idiots do that live there. I have to say that not all of my experiences in MO were like this and I do hope that they won't be like this when we move there. But the mid-west isn't as open to covering women as some parts of the world and add in that I'm a white woman with a black man and it really can get some KKK tinged blood boiling.

New Jersey isn't devoid of such moronic behavior either, although they aren't as small townish in attitude as MO and devoid of a minority population like some parts of MO. However it isn't high on the migration list of Muslims in America either. During a visit to my friends before we moved to Saudi my mother, three kids I had at the time and I went to a local mall. A small mall and while shopping I noticed a man being trailed along by a scantly dressed woman. When I mean scantly dressed I mean with a mini that would show the moon if she bent over the wrong way, the man with a wife beater type shirt on, looked like any regular blue collar worker in New Jersey, taking an interest in my presence. Evidently my shopping trip offended his senses of what is great about America and when we went to the parking lot screamed foul names at me telling me to 'go back to your own country'. He was angry and his lady barely able to hold him back in her too high heels looked embarrassed and wanted to rush him along.

With such experiences that are on my list of many it is no wonder I do have concern for taking my children back to the US. While I do believe that the wonderful people out number the ignorant, it is the ignorant that make a large impact on a covering woman's life. Especially when the wonderful people are more apt not to voice they are wonderful because they are simply going on about their days of normal interaction and why should they be called upon to do anything different. Sure some in total ignorance of the world may speak to me loudly as if comprehending English is a problem for me, I don't think the volume level makes quite a difference especially if I'm speaking clear, although grammatically incorrect, English. Others may assume I'm from another country originally and make such references in their conversations with me. I don't expect the stares to stop outright as for much of where I choose to travel and live in the US is not largely populated by Muslims especially covering Muslim women.

One would think coming to Saudi I'm suddenly in the 'normal' category, whatever that may be. And in a way that is true, for I'm of the majority of Muslims, my covering isn't an issue, unless someone thinks I should be covering more. The fact that I as a Muslim have common beliefs that factor into how I raise my children and live my life is totally understood although some might not think I'm conservative enough or religious enough. However there is still the fact that I'm white that separates me from the rest of the majority, even with a common diyn (religious belief).

At times the white factor has brought about privileges, I've written on this blog the difference of how Mr. Man is treated as a customer by staff in a store vs how I'm treated. At any time I can give Mr. Man a migraine by suggesting we stop at Sacco due to their blatant attitudes when it comes to serving an obvious black and or Arab man vs that of an obvious white western expatriate woman. What is even more interesting, if this were some social experiment and not Mr. Man's patience we are dealing with, is that these are, for the most part, Filipino men and foreigners themselves.

Now while some may rush to wait on me in a store my white Americaness can also be equated to $$ in the eyes of most shop keepers. At first many may assume I'm an Arab and speak to me in Arabic, often shocked that I'm not Syrian, or other light skinned Arab heritage because I cover my head. When that initial mistake of identity occurs and it is realized I am American than I become the expat money bag who will be over charged for even the smallest of products in any shop that doesn't have a listed price policy. For some this may seem like an ideal situation, a shop keeper may have a difficult time making ends meet and I present the opportunity to pay their months rent for the shop. But I'm being ripped off because I'm white and being American doesn't play a large role in any of this for my British neighbor will get the same white expat price I do. So it becomes a habit to say "How much is it?" and before the merchant considers to give me a price I include "I don't want the expat price because I'll bring my Saudi husband back for the real price".

In America most would see me and know that I'm Muslim, or at the very least different. I would have expected the same in Saudi, Bahrain or any other Muslim dominated country, but this isn't the case. I'm asked, all to often, if I'm Muslim or Islamic whatever the English ability is of the one asking. I don't answer right away as my brain has to react to the question I ask myself "isn't it obvious?" before I can answer. And this doesn't always happen with chance meetings of some curious individual who likes to chat with people in public, no I can be introduced to someone and sit and talk, even about religion, and I'll than be asked if I'm Muslim or not. It really is difficult for some to accept the fact that a white American woman actually converts.

There is the assumption that I converted for Mr. Man or after my marriage. I would be rich if I had a dollar each time I not only had to debunk this notion from a person I'm interacting with but had to also convince them by stating it several times. As I convert I have yet to meet one woman who actually stated to me "I converted for my husband" I have met many that have stated they converted in spite of their husbands, or much latter with no pressure or influence from their husbands but never for their husbands. Yet it is the standard assumption by Arabs and Muslims raised as one that women who convert do so for a man.

Being a Muslim for some 19 years doesn't mean I actually know this diyn either, not even the basics. I'm always being told about the basics, from wudhu, to prayer or how to fast properly. It is that my 19 years of having chose this diyn I'm somehow devoid of any knowledge, none have r considered that I possibly could know more than them on any given subject and sometimes I do. In Malaysia while on vacation I'll never forget as I sat in a tour bus along with other foreigners enjoying a vacation that two Gulf Arab women were talking and looking at me. Finally one mustered up enough courage to come and speak to me in her broken English "you are Muslim?" she asked and I smiled thinking the same thing I mentioned above and nodded as I said "Yes". She smiled a bit brighter and asked if I was American, I responded in the affirmative. She than proceeded to go into her bag and bring out a small Qur'an and hand it to me. I smiled and said thank you and she went off to her sit to talk to her friend. I looked over at my mother and said "I guess she thought I don't have one".

While her sentiments may have been sweet and she thought she was doing some good. In a small why I was a bit insulted for the assumption had to have been I don't have a Qur'an of my own. It is these types of assumptions that have me receiving constant basic information by Arab women even though some of them know I've been Muslim for quite a long time. Perhaps they do feel they are doing the right thing by informing me and don't quite grasp the concept that they actually have to assume I'm ignorant when they make their comments.

Amongst Saudi women there are other assumptions and feelings towards me as a white American woman who married a man from their own land. There is the ever common thought that we met in some haram way. Often times it is difficult for Saudi women to consider that we loose American women aren't all spread eagle waiting to entice their men with our charms as soon as they land. For others we tend to represent the women who have stolen men, from their cultures, that are open, progressive, well to do, educated, and something that they would have wanted. I often have to explain to women that we American women tend to marry these men at a time none of them would have considered them as a spouse. The difference being is that many American women marry with potential in mind while most Saudi women marry with one who is already established in mind.

In the midst of all of this there is also the notion to some, that because I'm a white American convert I'm somehow better than others as a Muslim, although in the same breath it could be assumed I don't know the diyn all that well. That I cover becomes a sign of courage and strength because I choose to do so even in the US and is a constant topic of conversation. When one adds in that 'white' is a sign of beauty in a brown world it becomes a bit more odd. Women spend thousands of riyals on bleaching creams, chemical peels an other concoctions to lighten their skin and one too many men stare at the white woman as she walks down the street, enters a store, or goes about her crazy day trying to manage her children while out in public.

One thing that is consistent for many foreign spouses of Saudi men is that we don't necessarily fit in anywhere. There are the in laws which brings about common in law differences that can be found in any marriage of two distinct cultures but it goes beyond that. We tend to give up our family, lives, and familiarity and trust in our husbands and our marriage and move off to a land completely opposite to our own. It can be a very lonely place because you soon find out that your race (white vs Arab), culture (American vs Saudi), and language (English vs Arabic) puts you at complete odds with the norm.

Being a white woman in the expatriate community gives me a different perspective on my world while I'm in Saudi (or Bahrain). I have a life much different than a Saudi woman on many levels, my children have different privileges, and my list of activities will vary depending on what I choose to participate in with the expatriate programs. It is often in such communities that women like myself, white and or American seek out other women of 'like mind' to mingle with and find some association to help keep us out of the lonely hole we sometimes find ourselves in. However when you're a white American girl that covers you're soon confronted with the realities that what put you at odds with your 'same kind' in the US carries on even when your continents away from US soil.

I was reminded of this recently when I was out with another white American woman who I consider a friend. Our husbands work together and we have known each other for a few years now and I have no problems going out and about with her for lunch, to the movies, or anything else we wish to do. She is a Christian conservative so we can agree on many social and family issues. We also find a common thinking when it comes to seeing a culture and country that is so different from our own in day to day life. So I must admit it was difficult for me to hear the words that reminded me that no matter how comfortable I am with her I am still on some level in the 'other' category for so many.

She was telling me about her friends, they go to bible study group with her and are part of the American woman's association in Bahrain and they get together often. They sounded like a fun bunch and she wondered if I would one day get together with everyone but being anti social I am reluctant due to my hang ups. In one conversation she was telling me how she told her friends all about me and they wanted to meet me they thought it would be fun. The exact phrase she used was "They want to meet a native". My brain digested that for a moment and I simply responded to the obvious fact that I'm not a 'native'. And she did note that she told her friends that "She isn't exactly a native". No not 'exactly'.

As much as I like my friend and I don't think she means any harm what so ever to me and she absolutely adores my children there is still a line that has been drawn. Now this may be a small line, something invisible upon first glance even, but something which will continue to distance me from other white American women even in a foreign land. That I, a foreigner with a US passport subject to the same foreign status as every other white American woman living here, will be viewed by some degree as a 'native' to a land that is not the one whose soil is born and whose cultural identity I have.

In a way I feel I'm privileged to be white and have these experiences. I have become aware of many things in the world that perhaps in any other way I would have been ignorant of. I hope that these experiences have caused me to grow, as a Muslim and as a member of this human race. However this privilege has kept me in a lonely spot in the world with very few to actually identify with and to be so totally comfortable with, that I can forget that in some way, however small, I am the in 'other' category (this is of course speaking outside of my family).

If you got this far you should reward yourself with some chocolate than grab a cup of something you enjoy, ignore all your responsiblities and check out Brooke's Blog Carnival on White Privilege and the Ummah

***ETA: this post is probably putting myself out there so it is subject to being deleted depending on how awful the comments get

There Are Days Not To Read The News

I won't go into my dislike of the local English papers in Saudi, or even Bahrain because that could be a very long boring post for most. On any given day I'm disappointed when I read the news, not so much as to what is in it as to how it is written. But there are days when I read the news and ask myself if I should have done it because it is filled with stories that make me consider what the world is coming to. I am sure I'm not alone in this and many news paper readers can feel the same way when they read their locals papers so it isn't a Saudi thing.

The first story is a warning to all the guys wanting to go out on a date with a girl. I posted a while back while girls shouldn't go out dating in Saudi I think it only fair that men also reconsider trying to meet someone for dinner.

Honeytrap rape Arab News

RIYADH: Police arrested two men and a woman who were involved in the rape of a man who was then blackmailed into paying cash to the trio, Al-Riyadh newspaper reported. The man developed a relationship with the woman over the phone, which led to the pair going on a date to a restaurant. The man was, however, met by two huge men instead of the woman and taken to an apartment where he was filmed being raped by the men. The man reported the incident to the police.

If this doesn't make some guys reconsider following that sexually luring voice on the other end of a phone I don't know what would. Here this guy thought he would go out for dinner and possibly get some desert and he is raped by two guys!! WTH??

The Mutawwa may be of some good or maybe not...

MAKKAH – The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice have foiled an attempt by four youths to kidnap a girl in Makkah.

The gang, of whom the Hai’a has detained two members, attempted to grab a girl in the Al-Uteibi market area after repeated efforts to convince her to get into their car.
The four drove at walking pace alongside the girl and reportedly showered her with lewd remarks, but when they were met with a firm refusal the driver got out of the car and grabbed the girl, lifting her off the ground, and tried to force her into the vehicle.

At that point the gang spotted a Hai’a patrol nearby and released the girl before attempting to flee the area.

The crowds in the marketplace were such, however, that the Hai’a managed to detain two of the gang.

The Makkah head of the Hai’a, Sheikh Abdul Rahman Bin Hamad Al-Du’eilij blamed the guardians of the girl for letting her go alone in the marketplace area. “Girls are open to insult and kidnapping and such as happened to this girl,” Al-Du’eilij said. “These youths committed a grave crime by intruding on a woman’s sanctity.”
He added that a greater police presence in crowded shopping areas would serve to prevent immoral and other forms of crime

Bravo they actually stopped an attempt by four guys to kidnap a girl. They do some good after all and it is a good thing they were around. Although I am kind of wondering why any of the public who made up the 'busy market place' didn't stand up and come to the aid of the girl. My big mouth would have had a crowd in no time. I wouldn't be blaming the girl, nor her parents for actually letting her outdoors but I would blame these guys who had nothing but evil intentions.

In a weird way this totally debunks Katie and the idea that women don't go out alone.

I'm Not Abused

Just FYI I'm not an abused woman. In fact on some days Mr. Man might claim to be an abused man, I just say he is being a big baby about titty twisters.

I know this may come as a shocker but not all men in Saudi abuse women. In fact there are many who actually love their wives, respect them and would do no harm to them. Even if a judge gives an opinion that he understands why a man would slap his wife in the face over a 900 SR abya I don't know one Saudi man in Mr. Mans family that would do that, none of them abuse their wives. One niece has an issue with her husband and he is holding her captive in his home and she chooses to remain living there. One out of how many Mr. Man I lost count? But he is only a relative by marriage and she can leave but chooses not to.

This is in no way to say that there aren't men in Saudi who abuse, there are. However Saudi, nor any other country, holds a monopoly on physical abuse. There is plenty of reports in the news papers within Saudi that state that 'numbers of abuse are increasing' but one needs to ask increasing as compared to what? I do believe that the society is changing in that women are speaking out much more and seeking help. This is not to say that the numbers are 'increasing' it is just that those who suffer are finally coming out and putting a voice that it is happening. And as I noted before unfortunately Saudi laws allow for a man to legally abuse which need to be changed.

However, I just thought it important to put it out there, that I'm not an abused woman.

Oh and Mr. Man should toughen up!! Giving birth hurts more!

Vacation Planning

The time is coming for me to get out of the dusty heat of Saudi and move on to the heat of the US for a while. I won't miss the dust which is kicking up in ridiculous amounts the past few days, the guy that cleans my car hasn't even really bothered it has been so bad. I'm starting to think the sky line should look brown, so I know I need a break.

It has been a while since I've closed up house in order to abandon Mr. Man for some fun in another country. I was hoping to have a house to go to and just sit and relax but that isn't happening, at least not until August some time. I was also hoping that IKNS would have some mercy on the children, parents, and the teachers and not open the school until after Eid. But no the school board is going to torture us and open the doors on September 1st. That leaves 9 little weeks of summer vacation, the kids aren't happy and neither am I.

The last day of school is June 25th and if I had my way I would be on a plane that night, but Mr. Man informed me "you have to stay in Saudi for a week to renew the iqama". Not what I wanted to hear as I had hopes that I would be watching 4th of July fire works state side while I had burgers on the grill. That will have to wait until next year as my first stop in vacation is being stuck in an apartment in Saudi secretly planning how to get back at Mr. Man. Any woman with five kids and five adults in a three bedroom apartment can understand my lack of enthusiasm.

After I'm tortured for a week in Saudi I can finally torture myself a bit more and take five kids alone on a flight to the US. I have been told by several mothers, with a smile on their face and a whisper from their lips, to drug the kids. Hannah and Jihad aren't that bad, they are old enough to chill out on the plane. Hannah hates the smell and refuses to eat airline food so the only complaint I get from is "eewww!" every time the food carts come around. Jihad is easy, he watches movies the entire times. He even watches things he shouldn't but since he sits away from me I act as if I don't see him.

Leyna is getting to the point where she is much better it is just Mariam who bothers both her and me. When Mariam bothers Leyna she in turns screams and cries and looks to me to help save her from the four year old tormentor. I turn to her and shrug in helplessness because secretly I would rather Mariam annoy her than annoy me. Mariam is also the girl that needs to go to the bathroom as soon as I found something on the food tray I can tolerate to eat. Which means I have to find a place for my tray, usually with Hannah who tosses it off as soon as I can put it down and ends up being under threat of severe bodily harm if she removes it one more time. I than have to fight down the isle between people and the slow moving food cart with some of the most uncompassioned airline attendants who seem to think I control my 4 year old's bladder.

Since the last time I travelled I added another bundle of problems on flight, my little man Umar who is as active as a busy bee and will probably have me agreeing to medicating the entire lot of 'em. If your wondering yes I'm insane to do this alone but the only other choice is to wait for Mr. Man to decide to leave his work (hard decision) and suffer in this heat. I think I will take up the voice of other mothers and drug my children, at least the youngest two. So if your a reader who has drugged your children on flight and found something guaranteed to work please drop me a note as to what I should be getting. A little something for myself would be nice, but not necessary.

Another added concern is flying with Umar and his small little ear canals. Due to DS his tubes are much more smaller than my other children who have no problems with air pressure. My concern is that the pressure may affect him and put him in pain. While I'm at the drug store seeking the right meds to knock my children out on the flight I need something to perhaps help his ears before they start giving him pain.

With a decent stop in London I can let the children cut loose in between flights thus giving me a break of trying to control my lot. It would be better if airports wised up and gave us flying parents a good paying service similar to shop and drops in malls around the world. I would love a place where I could drop my kids while I relaxed for a moment between flights. I would pay a small random for this service as I'm sure most parents would. It would be part of the vacation budget after tickets

1. budget tickets
2. budget sanity break at London airport x 5

I would budget cheaper food just for that luxury. However, no one seems to fly with kids at airport management so I'm left with allowing my children to find other families at the airport to go crazy with in a sitting area where we all seem to migrate together. Parents bringing out snacks, coloring books and small toys to share in the experience with new found travel friends during their stops as parents only smiling at each other recognizing the gloom we all feel and not having enough energy to express it in words. So if you see a Hijabi American in London in early July with 5 children looking slightly insane and not giving a hoot that her scarf is on crooked that will be me.

So where am I going? First stop is to my brother's house who I have been told should be working enough that I really don't have to put up with his doom and gloom attitude. I swear that man has to be the most depressing and negative person I've seen. My father isn't exactly a ray of sunshine either but I'll take lonely old man to negative middle aged dude any day. I will have 7 children in the house if I beat my ex sister in law down enough to let me have her kids more times than not. She doesn't seem to get that I've travelled from a whole other country so my kids can see their cousins. The whole family bond thing that her children don't get much at all because she is too much of a control freak. She sees no reason why her two should be at 'their father's house' more than their 'scheduled' time just because we are there.

She doesn't seem to like my parenting skills either. The comment was "She lets her kids have too much sugar. I heard them all when I called on the phone" If you weren't aware 6 children between the ages of 11 and 3 should have been quite little mice while on vacation in a small house. And yes I do allow the children to have desert after their dinner, bad me! I'm planning my mode of attack before I get there and her controlling habits will have a shock to say the least.
I plan on hanging out there until Mr. Man blesses us with his presence. At which point I plan to finally have a drivers license and a vehicle where we will be insane enough to travel half way across the US to MO and close on our house. We at one point would like to have some furniture, at least a few mattresses and cooking necessities until we have to close up shop until our winter break. I need to be back in Saudi/Bahrain by the end of August to have the children back on schedule for school on Sept 1st.

I am looking forward to my children starting Ramadan in the US. I hope to find a good community in the St Louis area that gives all that I remember of the small communities I was once part of. I want my children to see the difference between fasting when everyone else around you isn't and hopefuly experience that inner spiritual connection vs having the entire country shut down to night mode.

Living in Saudi/Bahrain and having some things that are typical to Saudi life ie an elderly parent living in our home and domestic staff there are some things I need to consider before taking off. The most important is what to do with Jeddah which isn't as complicated as it could be. Living in Saudi there are quite few other family members that will be more than happy to host her the weeks that we will be gone. Her first stop will be with Mr. Mans youngest sister where she will stay until someone else in the family extends an invite or more to the truth insist she come stay with them. She will be a modern bedu elder who will go from house to house living out of her suit cases while people wait on her. Not a bad life really unless you consider long term where such a lifestyle is counter productive to healthy living. She'll eat way too much sugar, even more in fats as well as sleep most of the day and stay up all night. Her movement will be close to nothing unless it is the occasional outing to the souk where she can find the cheapest of things in order to bring back to our house and proudly proclaim "ten riyals" and I'll be left asking "what am I going to do with that??".

Our domestic staff is a whole other issue. At first I thought perhaps I'd be a typical Saudi traveller and take one with me. We thought about it than I figured it would be more trouble than I wanted on a vacation and decided against it. What typically happens with domestic staff in the Gulf Arab region is that they are placed with other family members who aren't travelling at the same time. You will rarely if ever find a maid or driver left behind alone in the house. There is a fear that someone will come and kidnap and rape or in some way harm a maid. Not really ridiculous to think considering that in most neighborhoods there are unknown men walking about and might take notice to a maid in a house alone.

Drivers are also given to another family member to work for while their employers are gone. They might have a key to the yard, never the house, and the fear tends to be that the driver will rip them off. So no matter where you turn something drastically bad is going to happen. Keep in mind to understand the true irony here, when you speak to Saudis generally as a foreigner about their country many will cite how safe it is compared to other societies especially the US. However when you discuss various day to day issues like women wearing seat belts or leaving your maid in the house alone or women driving suddenly this society becomes ravaged with perverts and molesters.

The problem with sending my hired domestic help to Mr. Mans family is that they will be worked so much they'll quit. Contrary to what Naomi, my present maid, thinks the work load in my house is laughably light compared to most households. And as I'm finding out even compared to many Westerners here in Bahrain (they don't even feed their maids!!!). So to send a maid say to my SIL she will be worked to the point she'll refuse and want to leave. Abla, our nanny will be treated like a maid asked to pick up after people, clean shoes (that happened when someone visited us) and do maid chores that she'll walk out too. So there is no option to send either of them to Jeddah with Mr. Man's mother because we know things will be too different for them.

Both women will be staying with each of their family members in the Kingdom while we are gone. Naomi has a brother that lives here and works for Mr. Man and Abla has a sister that is working in Riyadh. So the expense is lower, which is good when we are buying a house and I'm on a budget. Each will have time with family, a mini vacation themselves, and not be worked to the bone by extended family. Yes, I think they are counting the days until we are gone.

One thing that has Mr. Man worried is the swine flue which my father shrugs off as "not that bad". This from a man that watches the news like it is his religion "A man died today from it" a big blow off "He died from other complications not from it" I call this splitting hairs "Well Umar doesn't have an immune system like ours". That silenced him and that is my biggest concern as well as Mr. Mans I'm sure. Refundable tickets will be our best option but I'm hoping to finally get a vacation away it has been too long. I also can't wait to see the house!

Hey Katie Why Not Talk To Saudi Women Rather Than For Them?

I swear American reporters on Saudi Arabia embarrass me, Katie Couric here is one of them




To add insult to injury she states on her YouTube site "In this video I describe what life is like for women in Saudi Arabia and I interview a nephew of a muttawa, member of the religious or clerical police. I also give you a look at Chop Chop Square ..."

She described the life of Saudi women?? Really? Yet she says they can't go out unescorted, yes I know Saudi ladies you don't know whether to get angry at that comment after your done laughing or not. I feel the same way. I think the only time you don't see women at the shops or in the malls at night are during school exam times. Out unescorted? I can't even begin to say how wrong this notion is. I think many assume since the law states that a woman can't travel unescorted, or at least without the permission of her guardian that it is the same when they are shopping downtown or something. But as soon as a reporter says it they loose all credibility with me. Not that I watch Katie much at all anyway.

I'm tired of foreign reporters talking for Saudi women, trying to depict their lives as bleak and passive creatures, and whatever else sells news. I would love for an American reporter to talk to Saudi women instead, now that would be new!

Why Domestic Violence Will Continue In Saudi

There is a growing 'awareness' of domestic violence in the Kingdom and many women have taken up the cause against this issue. There are several shelters throughout the Kingdom which receive victims of domestic violence, after getting approval from the police to receive the victim. And there have been more awareness campaigns which discuss what domestic violence is, how to cope and what resources if any women have in the Kingdom. Amongst all of this there have been several workshops and seminars on domestic violence which seek to discuss this issue broadly and openly.

A recent seminar went to show why domestic violence in the Kingdom will continue when a Judge made the following comments, among several, about domestic violence

“If a person gives SR1,200 to his wife and she spends SR900 to purchase an abaya (the black gown) from a brand shop and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment,” said Judge Hamad Al-Razine.

This was, what I would assume, an example to his statements

Al-Razine was explaining the causes of an increase in domestic violence in the country, adding that women were also equally responsible. “But nobody puts even a fraction of blame on them,” he said before making the controversial comment.

It is really easy to be angry at this judge, I know I can give a rant an a half on these two comments alone. However he is simply representing an attitude commonly received by abused women in the court system in Saudi. He is also representing the accepted law in Saudi which gives way for men to be abusive to their wives and their children. As long as they are not killed, harmed in a way that requires a hospital stay longer than accepted by the law (I believe it is 7 days I could be off a day or two) a man can legally beat his wife and children.

Yes he was heckled by the women in the audience and I'm sure Princess Adila wasn't comfortable during his speech but their anger is misplaced. Their anger should be with the laws in this country which allows a man to legally abuse. Their anger should be towards the accepted attitude in government in which appoints judges to rule on such matters that retain views that it is the fault of the abused rather than the abuser.

Until the basic foundation, in this case the law, makes it unacceptable to abuse your spouse and children and judges are weeded out who don't conform to such a view than abuse will continue to go on in Saudi with a legal stamp of approval. Not unlike several other issues in this kingdom, the law doesn't always represent the views and attitudes of the Saudis at large. So this is not to say that the average Saudi is an abuser because I don't believe they are. However the law needs to be addressed and fast in order to catch up with the voice of change that is trying to take place in society. For with all the shelters, all the programs, all the conferences what help can possibly be given to abused women and children unless the law is changed?


None!

An Divorcee At 8 Years Old

As I sit and look upon my 8 year old daughter Leyna it is hard for me to imagine that another girl at her age is now a divorcee. As hard as it is to imagine it is odd that I would find some sense of happiness for this girl who is now divorced. I read the title of the article and simply uttered alhamdulillah because that is how strange my world has become. My outrage over the entire concept of a 50 year old man taking an interest in an 8 year old girl for marriage in order for her father to settle a debt has dissipated to relief that she is divorced.

As much as my heart smiles for this little girl, who most likely hasn't digested half of what is going on in her short little life I can't help but think of the ones that won't be divorcees at 8. That sadly in this world, not just Saudi Arabia, small children will be bargained off by parents who neglect their trusts which have been given to them. That others, in whose heart is a foul disease, will seek to take advantage of those weaker than them, even if they are small children. And that countries will unfortunately neglect their duty to protect those who are the most needing of their protection.

In such a small way there is victory for this one 8 year old girl. However it the failure to protect any girls in the future in Saudi Arabia from being victimized by others who hold too much power over them is a bigger loss than most can imagine.