And This Is Why!

I just posted on children not running errands alone and that in Saudi it is not uncommon to see young children running around a neighborhood unsupervised. And just so I am clear on how dangerous this is.

Man who raped 9 children arrested Arab News

JEDDAH: Jeddah police arrested an African national who allegedly kidnapped and raped nine Asian children in two Jeddah districts, a local daily reported. The rapist threatened his victims with harm if they reported the rape. Police received a large number of reports from families complaining their children had been raped. The rapist targeted children aged between 9 and 12. He used to wait near a grocery shop and monitor children playing in the street. The man then took his victims to an isolated street before raping them. Northern and Al-Safa police center launched a massive manhunt and distributed a description of the rapist. Secret police eventually arrested a number of people who matched the description. In a lineup, some of the victims managed to identify the rapist. The police center recorded six cases while the Al-Safa center recorded three.

Saudi Gazette gives other details on this case.


Boys as young as nine running freely on the streets. I am angry every single time I see such small children just out running around with no one watching them. And there is no shortage of evil people that are willing to take advantage of this situation and take the innocence from a child and scar them for life.

Prove Innocence?

Being an American I'm familiar with the quote "innocent until proven guilty". Now the American legal system surely isn't without fault and at times some are assumed guilty but instructions given to the jury are quite clear that a prosecutor has to prove the persons guilt. I'm sure one can argue how reliable the American justice system is, jury by ones peers, prejudice and racism, and economic disadvantage may all and do play into innocent people being found guilty of crimes they didn't commit.

What is interesting to me, not only as an American but as a Muslim who firmly holds to the believe that the Islamic legal system is based on the idea of assumed innocence until one is found to be guilty or confesses their guilt. That Saudi, one that claims to uphold the Islamic legal theory in their courts (although one can argue, and rightly, that it is one narrow interpretation rather than being in total spirit of Islam to begin with) that one is asked to prove their innocence.

Such is the case with the female LBC reporter who is being brought to court for her involvement, or lack there of, of the 'sex braggarts' t.v spot. She is assumed guilty and is being asked by the court to prove her innocence. That she, and two other women, are being charged at all I find questionable. These low ranking part time reporters aren't decision makers at LBC. They aren't the producers or company executives who make the decisions on what to air and what not to air. So why choose just them? Easy targets of course, and they are women to the idea that Saudi women are involved in broadcasting this mans interview is probably just as appalling to some as the man they interviewed.

To catch up some of my readers, LBC is a Lebanese based broadcasting group that had a few offices in Saudi. They air various news shows and other programs all in Arabic. This Saudi man Abdul Jawad decided to openly discuss his sex exploits, and he lives in Saudi, on the air. You can see the video for yourself although it is in Arabic. I won't even comment on his "red room" with teddy bears but I do wonder what his concoction to get women in the mood is and have to wonder how many he took advantage of with it. He was sentenced in Saudi to five years in prison, 1000 lashes and lost his car and his cell phone, not that they matter much after he is in jail. I feel bad for his mother who related how is is a 'good boy' and recites Qur'an and there is some mix up. She evidently didn't know this divorced father of four spent his time roaming the streets for women.

I've mentioned before that things go on in Saudi that many don't want to admit. Men and women do hook up, plenty of booty calls even though people deny it. This man has brought out of hiding what many of us know. Men cruise for women and girls and they find willing participants to join them for sex. Yes people are outraged this man showed his sex toys on tv but he is one of many roaming the streets night and day that no one really does anything about. They use blue tooth, the chase women in malls, the harass women going out to eat. We see it all the time it is no secret so I suggest Saudi society wake up to that fact.

Should the man be lashed? Well considering what he did is against the law in Saudi yes. If nothing else for his stupidity to go and publicly put his face to his exploits as it was something to be proud of in Saudi society. No matter how many times he blames it on LBC for putting him in a 'bad light' during the interview doesn't change his words, his red room, his toys, or his bragging of having so many women.

I do question that the reporters or any low level employee should be brought forward with criminal charges. They don't make the decisions to air such an episode they are only gathering information, or interviews, in order for their executives to make the final decisions. That this man chose to say what he did and a broadcasting station used it doesn't surprise me. I'm sure their ratings went over board. And why should a reporter be held accountable for something that goes on daily by too many Saudi men on a daily basis? This is a problem in the society, this is happening, they don't make it happen they only report it. If ministries or citizens are angry, offended and upset about this is it really the reporters fault? Would it really be better to ignore what is going on instead of bringing it to the publics attention?

If these women reporters are at fault with airing things that shouldn't have been is it really a criminal issue where they could be subject to jail and lashes? Or is this a matter for the Ministry of the media to handle with fines against LBC and its executives and the reporters if they find that their choices were in violation of the regulations laid down by the media laws.

At the very least these women who are being accused should be accepted as innocent until proven that they in fact held the executive powers to air this episode for the world to see. And if the overall society of Saudi starts to deal with the sexual issues that are going on in Saudi due to this program isn't such a program worth it? But sadly I'm sure these women will be lashed and the society will continue to ignore what is an increasing problem.

Children Shouldn't Run Errands

There are a few issues I would love to see changed when it comes to parenting in Saudi. Near the top of my list is the fact that adult parents, especially mothers, use their small children to run errands to local neighborhood shops. I'm sure for some it seems safe enough, it does for a nephew of Mr. Mans (yes the same one who won't tell his wife to buckle up). A local little mini mart type store that is in the neighborhood maybe a few houses down or around the block where one would pick up those daily items like milk or eggs. It may seem harmless, a few minutes for a small child to run to the store, get those eggs and run back. But a few minutes is all it takes for someone looking to harm children to snatch your child.

Mariam will be five in December (inshallah) and I only let her play next door alone and even then she is checked up on several times. She isn't allowed to the compound park alone and we live in a gated villa compound. I certainly would never choose her to go run down to a mini market and run my errand even if it was just down the street. Many however don't think the same way but luckily this little girl was able to fight back and escape. But that a parent doesn't give thought to sending a five year old child on an errand is common and she won't be the last little girl to get abducted.

I always mention to Mr. Man my horror as I look on at young children, especially boys, who run the streets without an adult in sight. And I'm not talking teenagers, but rather young children who have free rein to go anywhere they please. He usually remarks "we did it as children" but is Saudi the same as it was when he grew up? He recalls a time of safety, where everyone in the neighborhood knew everyone else. A smaller town not over run with strangers and fast cars. A time when the perversion that exists in Saudi today was totally unknown to him. Such times have changed long ago and it isn't safe for children to run around the streets or be sent on errands because a parent is too lazy to get off their bums to go with them or instead of them.

Sadly it isn't unusual to read in the papers where a child is abducted and raped by some perverted man who seeks out children who are alone. No Saudi doesn't hold a monopoly on this but it exists and parents need to wake up to this fact and safe guard their children a bit more. Rein in those boys who run the streets with no supervision don't use your children to run errands and keep a better watch on your children.

It could be that I'm over protective but at least my children are safe and I know where they are.

Saudi Men Can

I was going through some pictures this week and stumbled across one that I knew I had to post here. I know that there is this idea that Saudi men can't do things within the home and with children. This isn't really just an idea the outside world has because even Saudi women have this impression that Saudi men just don't do certain things.

I remember the first time I handed off Jihad to Mr. Man in front of his family members to change a diaper. There were mostly women in the room who all gasped and were in shock that I would send off a child to "THE MAN" to change a diaper. How insane was this American woman? I just laughed and told them "He does it all the time in America I'm sure he can handle it"

There is also the idea that they can't pick up after themselves. While this is a battle between Mr. Man and me at the moment, I think in part he just got lazy and used to household help, and part living on his own during the week with no one nagging him to pick up. But this habit was changed a bit while we were in the US, he even washed a dish or two and helped at breakfast time. So I am witness to the fact that yes Saudi men can actually DO for themselves and in the house.

In case this is still questioned and one requires proof look at this!

Are We Destined To Become Our Parents

This past summer has really opened my eyes to some things, part good but part not so good. And as I have sat back and thought about certain aspects of my experience I've come to question if we are, in some part minor or large, destined to be like our parents? And if we are is this a good thing or bad? Should we embrace it or work hard to avoid it? I think some of this largely depends on who are parents were.

My father asked, himself mostly, what did he do to deserve 'this'. This of course being a lonely old man who is being not only neglected by his only son but in some forms abused verbally and emotionally. Life for him isn't the best, not that he has made the best choices either. He has health concerns like diabetes which he controls through diet and medication as well as COPD which he further complicates due to his severe smoking habit.

Even with these health issues I've watched him slowly just start to fade away and not really hold an internal drive to want to live. He speaks often, as many old people do, about when he dies and what he would like done for him and his 'money'. Which to be frank, after he has given large sums to my brother over the years there isn't much left at all it might buy his grand kids a few school books one semester but nothing much beyond that. But his drive to live is about coming to a halt and so is all that goes with living such as good hygiene, the desire to meet with people, the need to get out and be a part of the world. This isn't an easy thing to see but I do think a part of it is a depression considering his living circumstances.

This is not to say my father is a peach of a man to live with I don't ever remember him being such either. In fact I breathed a sigh of relief when we, as children, were told my parents were divorcing. He was always an unhappy man and made those around him unhappy as well. As a father he was harsh, critical and physically abusive which I got my fare share of. So it is understandable why I wouldn't mind him leaving, in fact I never really sought a relationship with him after the divorce. I saw him less and less and since neither of us liked who the other was at the time we simple stopped talking it being a mutual decision but both claiming soul ownership to the fact.

I'm not all that angry about that, I mean we stopped talking when I was 15 and it is hard as a young person who needed more support than ever feeling as their own parent gave up on them. But at this point now I'm not upset with him in the very least over that part of my life. I mean I'm a grown woman (forever 17 remember) and I've come to learn that there is no real need to hold onto the anger and hurt at some point you have to let it go and move on.

This is not to say that as a daughter I wouldn't like to hear an apology or even a word of regret for the decisions that he made as an adult and as a father. But as he so makes a point of saying so many times in our talks, he has no regrets and he makes no apologies for who he is. I've come to accept, although I don't understand, that I won't get out of him what I think I should. No not money, not any inherited heirloom passed down from one generation to another, but rather an acknowledgement from a parent who just wished they did better.

No, that isn't my father for as I've come to learn his world has always been a selfish mode of thinking. He always did what pleased him or what he wanted no matter the cost to others around him. No criticism could be laid at his feet for he was always right and it was others who got it wrong. He held to his beliefs, no matter how ignorant they were/are and justifies it by one way or another. He was never open, you had to guess what was going on with him beyond him just being angry and he had several vices which lead him in wrong directions.

Now as I watched my brother on the few occasions that we did see him, storm through the house, be a grouch and speak to my father with such contempt I figured out that he is my father. I also realized how ironic the entire situation was, for really my father is the source of my brothers anger, the source of his blame for all that is wrong in the world and the source of all that he says he hates. But yet he is him in so many ways and the saddest part of it all is that neither realizes it.

Now I wondered am I my mother? And yes most women will knock a man out for uttering such a thing but I admit there are ways in which I am my mother. Mr. Man says I have the 'boy' preference my mother had. Yes my mother was one who had a preference for the male gender when it came to children. This wasn't just in relation to my brother, who so sadly disappointed her in life, but it extended to Mr. Man as well. I don't know how many times she took his side in matters of dispute in the house, or made excuses for things and just did that boy preference mom thing she did with him. Yes in the big picture Mr.Man earned that right with her, he was more than good to her, he was a real son to her, but she didn't have to take his side over mine!

I don't know if I really have that, even if Mr.Man claims other wise. I just tend to want to protect Jihad (Umar well ya'll know he is my favorite) from what I see as harshness. Be it from his father in punishment or even the world in general. But I don't think that is any different than the girls but it does make a good amusement for Mr. Man as he teases both me and Jihad about it.

But there are other things about my mother I see in myself. I'm antisocial, I lack the tact or willingness to suck up to people, you always know how I feel be it good, bad or indifferent. I want to see the best out of the ones I care for and tend to extend myself too much at times and it comes back to bite me in the rear, as it did with my mother on many occasions. I'm creative in my own way and I picked up some, thought not all, of her shopping habits. And for the con part of the list once my mother set her mind up about you that was it unless you made drastic changes to yourself as a person forget it. I tend to be the same way but generally people don't prove me wrong either. I don't warm up easily with people and I have the habit of being blunt, to the point it may offend others and have been accused of being a bit cold, all my mother's traits.

So it leaves me to question, are we destined to become our parents? Be it for the good and the bad? And I have to wonder how this relates to gender? Am I taking on traits of my mother due to gender influence or because she was the only real parent who formed my upbringing? And if this is true, I wonder how that will affect my children? Will they become like me in some ways? And if so, what do I need to change to ensure they become better people than me?

This change of course would not be in them, but in myself thus meaning a whole no study of self and how to become a better person so they are in turn better. Could I be over thinking it all?

"I Didn't Really Kill Her"

One would think at times you are reading a comic strip instead of an actual defense for various crimes here in Bahrain. If I knew Arabic better I would find my source of entertainment in a court room here because just reading the defense arguments are just so ridiculous surely it is a joke.

Background: A Bahraini man killed an Indonesian house maid and dumped her body. He got caught but is evidently claiming innocence.

Defense argument: He didn't really kill her, nope surely not what happened was she pissed him off and he through a screwdriver at her and she passed out. But he thought she was dead he panicked and decided to dump her body so he put it in the trunk of his car and was caught.

A few things though

1. Her throat was slit and people actually witnessed this. Yes it appears her sponsor was there when it happened and so where other members of the family as they held the sponsor back from aiding this woman who was being murdered in the families home.

2. Defense says that the defendant couldn't feel a pulse but fails to mention dude his a nurse! He should know more than others if a person is dead or not.

3. Defense says he didn't kill her really, he just hit her upside the head and than put her in the trunk of his car which could have killed her but he didn't. He also dumped her body which animals latter took pieces of but he didn't kill her maybe the act of dumping her did it but he didn't.

Make sense? Well if your a Bahraini defense attorney maybe it is as good as a gang of men that gang raped a women were good boys just having harmless fun.