When a Man Decides for a Woman

So many times I've said on this blog that women driving is a minor issue to me. That it is in the front lines of women's rights in Saudi Arabia simply ignores a much larger issue regarding the rights and choices of women in this country. It is sort of like trying to put a band aid on a gushing wound and thinking it will heal someone. A much larger issue needs to be tackled before any woman in Saudi can claim independent rights for herself.

As an American woman I have enjoyed the freedoms of my own choices since my adulthood. This isn't saying that I've made all the right decisions, but every decision I have made it was by my own choosing. I never needed the permission of any man or legal guardian (read any other male) to make decisions regarding my own life. I didn't need permission from a man to travel, buy a car, get a job, sign a lease, live on my own, get a passport, leave the country or go to school or seek medical care. All of these things require a permission of a man for Saudi women.

Now for most this isn't all that much of an issue, they have good men in their lives they don't hinder them, harm them or seek to punish them by their rule. But the very fact that the law puts these men in charge means that the abilities of Saudi women are only given or made real by a man. We often times speak of Saudi women that are leading change, who are making great strides or accomplishing wonderful things. But we neglect to remember that each of these women would not be able to do such things unless a man allowed them to.

This is the much larger issue that is at hand for Saudi women that affects their daily lives. The power given to man over women in this country dictates a woman's life and sometimes a woman's death. Mr. Man's sister had to wash and bury her daughter a few weeks ago because of her husbands rights over her. She was diagnosed with kidney disease a few years ago and was to seek treatment for it from a local hospital. At some point her husband decided that he would no longer allow her to go for care. She was kept in her home under his threat and he choose for her to not receive medical treatment and she slowly feel into a miserable state.

At one point her family tried to intervene and actually got her out of his house and she stayed with her mother. Not all women are so fortunate to actually get out of the house as their families have no rights over a woman now married to a man. Her husband is her legal guardian and no police will come to a families aid. She stayed with her family and received some treatments but had to leave her three children behind. I suppose living without her children was worth than death for her because at some point she returned to her husbands home.

A few months ago the family got a call Mr. Man's niece was laying in a hospital bed in a coma. There was much confusion as to her medical state and no real straight answer was given to her family as they watched her daily struggle in her hospital bed. Several months passed and her system started to shut down as her kidney disease and progressed to much for her body to sustain her. She had a heart attack earlier this month and passed the next day. Her body was taken by her sisters, aunts and cousins and they washed her and shrouded her in order to put her in the ground.

It was the choices of her husband made for her that lead her to her death. She could have, like so many other women in the Kingdom, received care for her kidney disease and lived on. With a supporting husband this is possible but not all are so. She left behind three children, the ones she couldn't live without. I suppose in the end she chose for herself, she went to be with her children while she could although it meant in such a sad way the choice of death.